Memorable Loss – A Story of Friendship in the Face of Dementia by Karen Martin (Christian Focus Publications, 2023)

This is like no other book I have read before! The author, Karen Martin, writes in a narrative non-fiction form which I found compelling. The story of her friendship with an older lady who goes on to develop Alzheimer’s disease flows in and around technical descriptions of the process of the disease in the brain and the practical outworking of it in someone’s life.

We follow the thread of a friendship that deepened and grew as Alzheimer’s developed and progressed. At the core of the book is the view that Alzheimer’s does not take away the identity of a person: who a person is, is not just made up of their ability (or not) to remember. Respect, trust and love are key elements. Emotion is not lost when memory is lost and this story shows that friendship can still flourish, on a mutual basis, learning together and growing together through the changing scenes of life.

Enlightened discussion of dementia implores us to ‘see the person first and the dementia second’. In other words it seeks to keep relationship at the core of our interactions with those we love. It is relationships rather than memory that make us who we are.

page 203

Underpinning the friendship in this book was a Church community. I would have loved the author to have explored a little more deeply how memory loss affects the spiritual life and identity of a person. Perhaps that is another book? Because of the author’s research into the biology and psychology of the disease (including medication options and their side effects), plus even more importantly discussion of the practical, daily approaches to issues thrown up by the disease, I would recommend it as standard reading for all carers, family members and friends who want to truly understand the person they love who has dementia.

The basis of every meaningful act is love. Love persists long after memory is splintered and gone.

page 204

Gripping and moving as well as educational and practical, I hope this book finds its way into many hands and hearts so that we can all understand those who suffer from dementia just a little better.

Lorna